Mark Hollis

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It is widely known by now that Mark David Hollis, singer, composer, co-founder of Talk Talk, passed away on February 25, 2019 at the age of 64. Since then, many articles and obituaries have been written on his career, the incredible musical evolution of Talk Talk, his continuous influence on other artists and how he walked away from public life after a beautiful, final solo album in 1998 to live a normal life and raise his family. Since there are numerous resources for this information all over the internet and the gorgeous Spirit of Talk Talk book, I do not plan to simply rehash the facts here, though I may sprinkle some in here and there like a seasoning. What I would like to do is to talk about my feelings regarding Mark's passing. Some of you will understand this perfectly and might even see your own feelings reflected. Some of you won't understand it at all, and that's okay because this forum is for my feelings and my opinions and I don't apologize for that. I just ask that those who still don't get it after reading this will be respectful if they choose to comment.

Over the past few years, many of our musicians from the 1970's and 80's have left this Earth, and all of their deaths have been sad, but none hit me nearly as hard as Mark Hollis. I first learned of his passing probably around Feb 27th, a day or two upon returning from an annual trip to Florida. I read the headline and felt the breath leave my body for a moment and a sharp, tight feeling instantly in my stomach. I didn't cry right away, but once the news really sunk in, my eyes and cheeks were stinging from the seemingly non-stop stream of tears. I've told some friends that I had several "ugly cries" and that is exactly what they were! I listened to his music, but it became increasingly difficult to listen to his beautiful, mournful, sometimes trembling voice and those incredible lyrics without the stomach thing and the tears. Watching the concert videos and music videos? Well, I had to watch them sparingly for  awhile for the same reason. I grieved as if for a relative or close friend, and believe me, I didn't understand the intensity of it myself. The rational part of my brain continued to remind me that I never met this man, and there would have been no chance of that even if he were alive. But, I never really harbored any hope of that over the years anyway. I wasn't going to seek him out or bother him, and he might never have released any new music, but I guess I just liked knowing that he was alive and living a happy life with his family. I felt he really deserved that privacy and peace for all of the exceptionally great music he gave us. 

Let's talk about that music for a moment. How to best describe it? For those of us who love it, the music of Mark Hollis and Talk Talk gets under your skin, is absorbed into your core and you can never let it go, even if you wanted to. Depending on the song and your mood, it can raise you to euphoric heights, reduce you to a puddle of tears or just give you a lovely, peaceful feeling. If you want to dance and feel joyful, they have that for you as well. Really an all-purpose band if you think about it! I, personally have much love for all 5 Talk Talk albums, but if synths are not your thing at all, I suggest starting with The Colour of Spring and going in order from there. Listen to each all the way through in one sitting.

So where was I? For awhile after Mark's passing, I was just filled with overwhelming sadness, which I mostly kept to myself, since I still had a life and a family and had to function in the real world, and I did. There were other things going on in my life at the time as well, but I don't want to get into those right now. I noticed Facebook groups devoted to Mark and Talk Talk and discovered that there were many people out there who felt exactly the same as I did. However, it would take several months before I could bring myself to join these groups, because I felt sad and silly for feeling sad and just didn't know if I could do it. Eventually, I did reach out to some of these groups and am so glad I did, because through them I have made some really cool friends who have helped me more than they know, and I thank them so much for that!

I believe that one component of the grief, which I am really hesitant to talk about but here goes, is the sadness over the loss of youth and facing my own mortality. After all, the majority of TT's music was made over 30 years ago, and they stopped touring in 1986. Even though much of their music it timeless, those first two albums always take me back to the 80's and my teenage years in a small town in rural Maine. Before I was able to afford Talk Talk's first album, I remember listening to my little radio with my tape recorder ready to go. As soon as the song Talk Talk came on, I would do what most of us did back then, hold the tape recorder up to the radio speaker to tape the song, praying that the d.j. on Z-62 in Bangor would stop talking over the intro already, or fearing my sister or father knocking on my door and capturing that sound forever! The 80's mixtape, folks, good times!

Again, I still don't fully understand all the reasons why Mark Hollis' death was such a gut punch for me. The simple answer is that I love the music, but that is not the real reason, because I loved Bowie, too, and my sadness over his death didn't even run this deep. Mark's music has been such a part of my being for so many years now. By the way, I am doing much, much better now. Still sad, but better. I will still listen to the music, mostly without crying, as a celebration of the life of a man I never knew but who touched my soul deeply with his art. One of the few facts I know about Mark was that he loved the Spring, nature and animals. So, I think next Spring I will plant a tree or some flowers in his honor and I will continue to be incredibly kind to animals. It's the least I can do for all he gave to me, and it feels so much better than tears.

R.I.P. Mark Hollis